Bueno. Resulta que me pidieron un poema para una muestra en Bozar y tenía que estar traducido al inglés. Yo tenía algunos traducidos por Mark Dow, mi traductor oficial, y otros traducidos por Andrew Graham-Yooll, pero ellos eligieron un poema muy antiguo y nunca antes trasladado (está en Las últimas mudanzas, Ediciones Vox). Y le pidieron a Mark que lo volviera inglés. Mark y yo siempre andamos intercambiando sobre traducción; me responde sobre las rarezas que suelo encontrar en mi oficio o arte sombrío. Claro que en el medio se nos cuela la vida misma, porque somos ante todo amigos. Esta vez hice de autora viva y colaboradora, y durante una semana estuvimos considerando cosas. Yo creo que la versión inglesa quedó bárbara. Pero Mark, además, armó, --para mandarle a la hija de un amigo, que estudia traducción-- este documento que pongo debajo. Es decir, nuestro diálogo íntimo.
Qué sé yo, me pareció lindo ponerlo. A mí al menos me gustaría leer el intercambio de otros.
Perspectiva desde una bañera
Después habrá una discusión.
Por ahora todo es cerrar los ojos,
mantenerlos cerrados a la altura del agua,
respirar, volver a sumergirse.
El límite entre el agua y el aire
coincide con la línea de pensamiento
que lo que hace es fundir y refundir
en cualquier orden
un par de escenas o secuencias, fotografías
tomadas con una cámara automática,
siempre más o menos el mismo material,
- es lo que se ha podido reunir -
animales salvajes avanzando
hasta quedar en primer plano,
alguien que le enseña a una chica
a usar una pistola en el desierto,
o igual una persona en una bañera
- y aquí vendrá la discusión:
quién es la persona,
quién soporta
la línea de pensamiento, o quién
apretó el gatillo,
tomó la foto, quién señaló la posición
donde habría que ubicarse
para obtener una buena vista aérea
de la bañera.
Por ahora todo es cerrar los ojos,
mantenerlos cerrados a la altura del agua,
respirar, volver a sumergirse.
El límite entre el agua y el aire
coincide con la línea de pensamiento
que lo que hace es fundir y refundir
en cualquier orden
un par de escenas o secuencias, fotografías
tomadas con una cámara automática,
siempre más o menos el mismo material,
- es lo que se ha podido reunir -
animales salvajes avanzando
hasta quedar en primer plano,
alguien que le enseña a una chica
a usar una pistola en el desierto,
o igual una persona en una bañera
- y aquí vendrá la discusión:
quién es la persona,
quién soporta
la línea de pensamiento, o quién
apretó el gatillo,
tomó la foto, quién señaló la posición
donde habría que ubicarse
para obtener una buena vista aérea
de la bañera.
*
Perspective from the
Bath
Later there will be some
discussion.
Right now the main thing is to
close one's eyes,
keep them closed at the surface,
take a breath, slip under again.
The border between water and air
is coincident with the thought
process
that dissolves -- fade in, fade
out --
pairs of sequences or single
shots
in any order, photos
taken with an automatic camera,
always the same material, more or
less,
whatever happens to have been
provided --
wild animals advancing to foreground,
someone showing a girl in the
desert
how to handle a gun,
or maybe just somebody in a
bathtub,
which bring us to the discussion:
who this person
is,
who bears
the
thought, who
pulled
the trigger,
shot
the picture, and who determined
the precise position from which
one
would have this aerial view of
the bath.
*
Perspective from the Bath
you prefer this
straightforward title translation to Bath Angle, correct? i think youre right. i really don't know... you choose it. oy.
i
decided "Bath Angle" isn't the sound of lw; i tried "Angle from
the Bath" but went back to
your original. you're probably very right.
likewise
with "in any order" (i'd overcomplicated it). ✓
and
i moved "more or less" for a more englishy sound. ✓
--i have some confusion about the
actual process at the beginning: and how strange, i just realized that even while translating cerrados as closed, i
imagined the eyes open, playing with
the reflection from under and above the surface!
Later there will [changed from "would". perfect!] be some discussion.
Right now the main thing is [changed from "was" yes] closing one's eyes,
keeping
them closed at the surface así es,
Later there will be some discussion.
Right now the main thing is closing one's eyes,
keeping them closed at the surface
Right now the main thing is to close one's eyes,
keep them closed at the surface,
take a breath, slip under again.
qué cosa el inglés, que tiene dos posibilidades de
infinitivo. i like it this way, too. i guess the
second line is closer to the meter of the original (well, "the
original". something i wrote).
taking a breath, slipping under again. i would maybe split this one with a coma
(taking a breath, then slipping under...?).
comma not coma! . . . 2
"then"s ok? the comma is up
to you. i would only put one "then", whether here or there. i think i prefer no "then"s after all. agree.
The border between water and air
is coincident with the line of attack / thought process
i was thinking of a
more physical --geographical-- "coincidir" ("fits
into"?) yes of course i knew
i was going too far here. and yes it has to have that physicality of one thing
fitting into or onto -- or being mapped, as we say -- onto another...
also, i don't like "train of thought", though, even though in
another context it would be the perfect translation, because here the
"train" metaphor gets in the way. wasnt there a broken train of
thought in the rainstorm poem i translated? "the thought process": i
have qualms about the double th- (and another th- in next line), but one thing
i like is that old people will remember that we used to take film to be processed...
you're right! i didn't know where did that "train of thought"
came from! but yes, the train has nothing to do with the line. and wasn't it
just yesterday that we took film to be processed? yes, let us stick with
"thought process". no, the
train is natural and perfect -- everywhere except here. and yes, it was
yesterday.
that dissolves -- fade in, fade out --
--i love that fundir can mean merge
or break.
* te lo anoto abajo igual
pairs of sequences or single shots,
either one in front of the other, photos
taken with an automatic camera,
--"automatic camera"
doesnt seem right in this technological era. i'll come back to that again.
always more or less the same material,or: always the same stock
footage, i
think i prefer the first one. keeps the (vague) ambiguity...right
whatever happens to have been provided --
wild animals advancing as far as the first scene foreground?,
wild animals advancing to foreground,
you really should be your own
translator and get rid of the incompetent middleman! hey -- don't even dare. anyway i imagine this clipped phrase (as opposed to
advancing toward the foreground) sounds like a movie script and maybe
tempers the melodrama of it a bit (the only aspect of the poem i have trouble
with). mark, i don't even
remember having written this poem...
ja well, perhaps it was the day
before yesterday, then. "anteayer" (btw) is one of my favorite
words. . there is also
"antes de ayer", which is the one i normally use. maybe the stock footage does that too...but maybe
thats absurd?
someone showing a girl in the desert
how to handle a gun,
or maybe just somebody in a bathtub
-- and now the discussion: what. i like that "now". are you unsure of it? nope. i just forgot to erase the
yellow hi-lite from before. oh. this is how people misunderstand each other all over the
world.
i think "which brings us to" is more colloquial english for
picking up the train of thought. and
turns out, maybe, to be a good translation of "aquí vendrá". yes, i totally like it.
who this person is,
who's positing the idea, who
who bears the thought, who here i was trying to use both senses of "soportar": http://lema.rae.es/drae/?val=soportar
you didnt
comment on "bear" perhaps because i neglected to hi-lite it. too easy
but perfect. obviously you knew and wanted me to feel useful. (thanks). i guess i thought it was perfect and didn't stop
to say anything...? mark, you are being much more than "useful".
you're a great translator. por qué decís así? the thing about my being
"useful" -- i was making a joke!! i guessed so,
but lately i have been undergoing a certain uncertainty regarding voice tones
and moods... last week i thought my beloved cousin was sort of angry with me,
something technically impossible. i even cried. she could hardly believe
it. weird b/c I just
exchanged an email with the PNReview editor about emoticons and this problem.
I've also become aware of my serious propensity (!!) for inventing the worst
when I get a text that just says "OK" or "k". see
above. though on a purely linguistic level, I do love "k".
what do you mean, "k"?
instead of "ok". just love it.
yes. very common. in fact I was shocked when a guy my age texted me the entire word "Okay" (capitalized). [Nina: this guy was your dad!] of course it is common for people to say "k" but somehow the listener hears the ghost of the "o" (my theory).
yes. very common. in fact I was shocked when a guy my age texted me the entire word "Okay" (capitalized). [Nina: this guy was your dad!] of course it is common for people to say "k" but somehow the listener hears the ghost of the "o" (my theory).
lovely
theory. i just tweeted it.
- ·
·
Laura Wittner @LauraWittner
Protected Tweets
les vengo con una noticia adorable: en estados unidos
es común textear "k" en vez de "ok".
Laura Wittner @LauraWittner
Protected Tweets también decirlo,
claro. aunque de alguna manera todos escuchan el "fantasma de la o".
me dice mi informante.
now about those
"who…" phrases:
there
is no question mark in your original: am i correct that the syntax is not:
"Who is this
person[with a missing '?']"
but
rather:
"The question
is who this person is…" right option (and
then i guess it would be:
"who is the one who pulled the trigger...").
answer
me that, and then we can deal with the awkwardness. what awkwardness? well, in english we'd need to say "The
discussion is about who the person is" etc.
i
would also ask whether you're thinking that the "who" to the series
of questions is the same person or
maybe more than one, but i suspect you don't know, even f you once did, which i suspect you did not. mmm... something leads me to believe i could have been talking about (maybe) different persons.
pulled the trigger,
--just so you know some work went into this: my
first intuition of "apretó el gatillo" was pet
the cat!
took the photo, and who determined
the precise position from which one
would have this aerial view of the bath.
who
this person is,
who
bears
the thought, who
pulled the trigger,
shot the picture, and who determined
this
new end i love.
*i guess you know it,
but just in case: it is the "línea de pensamiento" (train of
thought?) which "funde y refunde", not "us". about that
"fundir y refundir", i was thinking of something like...
"merge" or "fade", i don't know, those things they do with
film clips.
oh! i misread it as "que lo que se hace es..." ; concerning
your "...que lo que hace..." instead of the more direct "la
linea...que funde y refunde": is it a kind of exagegrated formality, so to
speak? and as for merge/fade, i thought it was more a splicing and cutting! oops.
it's that dictionary you sent to me... i always suspect wordreference.
com is mostly made by argentine people. they always include some very
suspicious expressions -- i mean, very common expressions heard only in buenos
aires! "que lo que hace" is not exactly formal, it's more like...
and yes, i like this new, riskier option! our friend
john koethe has a nice article on "risk" in poetry somewhere or
other...anyway, i like doing that in translation: instead of choosing between
options, using more than one. i played with that idea in the nutty
Genesis translation i did. did you see it on FB? so here, i saw on that cinema
term site that "dissolve" means fade in and fade out. that surprised
me b/c i assumed dissolve was the fading out, and that some other word would
mean fade in... ... the thing
with those technical terms is: will most readers acknowledge those
"hidden" meanings? fuck 'em! ok. speaking of
tone, though, is this really ok with you? I mean, I don't think we're using any
really obscure terminology. yes, it is, sir.
----- Original Message -----
From: Mark Dow
To: Laura Wittner
Sent: Tuesday,
May 06, 2014 1:57 AM
Subject: bonus vocab
Dissolve - A transition between two shots, where one shot fades away and
simultaneously another shot fades in. Dissolves are done at the lab in the
printing
phase, but prepared by the negative cutter, who cuts in an overlap of the two shots into the A&B rolls. Labs will only do dissolves in fixed amounts, such as 24 frames, 48 frames, etc.
phase, but prepared by the negative cutter, who cuts in an overlap of the two shots into the A&B rolls. Labs will only do dissolves in fixed amounts, such as 24 frames, 48 frames, etc.
Edge Fog - Exposure along the edge of the film from raw light, in most cases
from a lightleak, due to the camera door not being taped. Edge Fog can
sometimes be visible in the frame or sometimes outside of the frame effecting
the clarity of the latent edge numbers.
and… maybe the real title for your poem:
Dutch Tilt - A composition with the camera viewing the scene at a
diagonal. Same as a canted angle. Some nice examples can be seen in Carol
Reed’s “The Third Man.”
